17 best dad jokes to write in Father’s Day cards

17 best dad jokes to write in Father's Day cards

17 best dad jokes to write in Father’s Day cards

Father and son fishing at sunset
Just for for the fun of it (Picture: shironosov)

If you’re stuck over what you should write in a Father’s Day card, let the best dad jokes around come to your rescue.

Because dads can’t have all the fun, and the internet is relentless.

Dads are notoriously funny in their unfunny-ness, and when is a better time to get back at them than on a day dedicated to thanking them for all they do?

Father’s Day falls Sunday 16 June, and while many might be obsessing over what gifts to get him, a card might just suffice for the easy-going and easy-to-please father.

Why not add a funny joke inside to get back at him for all the times he embarrassed you in front of your friends?

Or even to set the mood for the day before having to take them out for a meal and spend dreaded quality time with him?

The best dad jokes for Father’s Day

Warning: corniness follows.

1. An invisible man married an invisible women. The kids were nothing to look at.

2. When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

3. Mum: ‘How do I look?’ Dad: ‘With your eyes.’

4. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

5. What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.


6. What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus!

7. Child: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, you’re a sandwich!’

8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.


9. What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.

10. Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies!

11. If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

12. I gave away all my used batteries today. Free of charge.

13. What did the police officer say to the belly button? You’re under a vest!

14. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

15. What’s Forrest Gump’s computer password? 1forrest1.

16. What is the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber? One is a raving showman, the other is a shaving roman.

17. Why couldn’t the bike stand-up by itself? It was two tired.

Hopefully that should be enough to get you through your Father’s Day anxiety.

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