Whitman police issue Valentine’s Day ‘warning’ to men ahead of Super Bowl

Whitman police issue Valentine's Day 'warning' to men ahead of Super Bowl

Whitman police issue Valentine’s Day ‘warning’ to men ahead of Super Bowl



“Saturday = Card, Sunday = Super Bowl, Monday = V-Day.”

AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast

Whitman police are ahead of any home riot call this Valentine’s Day by issuing a humorous “warning” to the man who may lose the ball this Super Bowl weekend.

On Friday, the Whitman Police Department’s official Facebook account posted a so-called “PSA” instructing women to “keep scrolling” โ€” their message was intended for men.

“Listen carefully to us, no one will be hurt,” the post began. โ€œValentineโ€™s Day is Monday, February 14 (as in previous years). The Super Bowl is Sunday, February 13 (see the problem here?).โ€

The post, posted in an unmistakably stoic tone, instructed people to go to the local pharmacy to pick up a Valentine’s Day card for their significant other. Police describe the appearance of a card (“a folded piece of paper”) and explain its contents “often with gracious, loving words and phrases written on it. You know, we occasionally think of but never say or express of that kind of thing.โ€)

Police are reminding people to “stay focused” as they drive past Home Depot, Lowes and liquor stores to get their cards. “Restrain your impulses; don’t stray from your mission,” police warned.

Police explained that the men, presumably other ignorant men, felt “immediately relieved” as soon as they entered the card aisle. They joked that the “success rate” was reduced by 68 percent if men stayed too long in the card aisle.

“Don’t be the guy who looks lost and pale and sweaty like he needs a Red Bull IV. You know the look.”

Finally, police are urging men to buy cards two full days before Valentine’s Day to reduce the chance of dropping the ball while distracted on Super Bowl Sunday.

“Remember, you could slip up on Sunday night and start talking about the seven office pools and 11 football fields you bought for the big game,” police said. “If you don’t buy the card, it’s going to bother you again.”

The post includes the address of the Whitman Pharmacy with the greeting card.

By Friday night, the post had garnered tons of smiley emojis, nearly 870 likes, nearly 500 shares, and about 90 comments from the funny public โ€” most of them women.

“You guys are so hilarious, keep going! FYI, some of us don’t hype up Valentine’s Day. I told him not to buy me anything,” one commenter said.

“Who knew the Whitman Police Facebook page would become my new favorite?” said another.

“For protection and service!! Well done job,” wrote one commenter.

Another commenter tagged it in Whitman PD’s joking tone: “Awesome! He’ll forget about it anyway. Your instructions are perfect, but men don’t usually follow instructions. You should make it more of a game .”

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