Valentine’s Day: step up your grooming routine
There are many kind, sexy, romantic things you can do for Valentine’s Day. Buy lingerie. Stay in and make a cozy fort. Microdose mushrooms and listen to Rumours. It really doesn’t matter what you plan (but please, make a plan) as long as you show up clean.
I still remember in 2014, when Robert Downey Jr was asked the secret to his then nine-year marriage. “This is one of the keys to our relationship… I am so clean you could eat off of me. I think women appreciate that.” Despite recent events, I’m willing to co-sign RDJ on this one! Being clean is hot and women do appreciate it.
I know this seems… obvious, but I’m not just talking about a cursory ball-washing here. This Hallmark-holiday season, I implore you to go a bit further and really spruce up your bod for your partner. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that looking hotter than your usual grey T-shirt and basketball shorts is going to make your partner love you more or anything – I’m sure they’re jazzed about you just the way you are – but putting in a little more effort is a romantic (but not cheesy!) way to show your date how much you care about them. Going above and beyond is hot, my friends.
Take care of your nails
These are the hands that you’ll hopefully be running all over your loved one’s body later – take some care. Hands are one of the sexiest parts of the body and feet are one of the nastiest, so, in both cases, nail care is important! If you have the time and money, go get a manicure and pedicure. They will not put nail polish on your nails, unless you wanna go full Ansel Elgort on your date (something to consider), they’ll just make your hands look hotter and your toes look, well, not gross. If you can only do one or the other, get the pedicure and trim your nails short at home and follow it up with a quick file; nothing kills a vibe faster than pointy nails scratching your partner’s naughty bits. No one getting fingered has ever said, “More nails, please!”
Wear cologne. Or at the very least, smell good
Cologne gets a bad rap because many people overdo it, which is unfortunate because if I walk past a man wearing a nice, respectful amount of cologne, my entire day – maybe even week – feels brighter. Bodies smell sometimes! I mean, pretty much the best thing your body can smell like on its own is “nothing”. Give yourself and your partner the gift of smelling better than neutral. Wear cologne. You don’t have to go crazy or spend that much money; you can buy plenty of good scents on Amazon. Putting on a scent makes you seem like you know you’re sexy and you’re celebrating by smelling nice. It’s an obvious way to denote that you care how other people experience you, which is incredibly attractive. Scent is said to be strongly tied to memory – considering I still remember the exact scent of perfume my high-school crush complimented me on, this checks out – so make the evening memorable. Make yourself memorable. Smell nicer than “nothing”.
Address your hair. All of it
Pay your barber a visit or otherwise fix your hair how you would for a nice event, even if you two have been together for six years and are just staying in. Now work your way down your body and take care of all the other hairs you’ve got going on. Trim your beard. Nix those pesky nose and ear hairs. Shave your weird shoulder hairs. Unless you normally do otherwise, leave your chest hair alone! Let 40 Year Old Virgin teach you a lesson. (Besides, chest hair is sexy!) For pubes, stick to a nice trim. You don’t want ingrown hairs or razor burn putting a damper on a sexy evening. Ass hair, leave it alone unless you’re handing the reins over to a professional. Overall, use your judgement here: you’re just trying to communicate you were thoughtfully prepared for any potential clothes-free scenario.
Keep your breath in check
If your plan is to make out this Valentine’s Day – and I hope it is – you need to make sure throughout the night that the state of your breath actually reflects that intention. Yes, fondue dates are fun, but cheese breath is not. Bring mints, bring gum, swish mouthwash around your mouth when you get back home before things get hot and heavy. Just keep abreast of the breath situation.
Wear slightly elevated, and clean, clothes. Including underwear
Again, I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but maybe I do? Use your clothing choices to communicate that you’re proud to be this person’s partner. The sweatshirt you’ve been wearing all week? That’s a no. If you’re staying in, you don’t need to wear a suit, but please, in the name of all things holy, wear clean clothes. Not, “I’ve only worn it a couple times,” but full-on clean. After all, the smell of clean laundry is almost as alluring as Versace Eros. Take whatever clothes you normally wear and ratchet it up a notch or two – whatever will deliver the message that you care.
Grooming yourself doesn’t have to be your only or entire gift to your partner. In fact, you probably shouldn’t simply sit on the couch, nude in your squeaky-clean and hairless glory, waiting for your partner to come home as your entire Valentine’s Day gift. Most people aren’t looking for grand gestures for this holiday, despite what terrible romcoms may have led you to believe. We all just want our partner to put in some effort – the kind of effort they put in back when you guys were newly dating. Make a dinner reservation. Make a dinner. Hell, bring home Lunchables and watch Bojack Horseman. But definitely make an effort to outdo your normal routine.
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