Husband/Wife Funny SMS – Best Free SMS Online


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Husband/Wife Funny SMS - Best Free SMS Online

Husband/Wife Funny SMS – Best Free SMS Online

Boss hangs a poster in Office

“I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET”

He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.

“Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home.”

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!

You are holding the phone since 20 mins.

&

haven’t spoken a word..!!!

Man inside: I’m talking to my wife

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband texts to wife on cell..

“Hi,what r u doing Darling?”

Wife: I’m dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?”

Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”

Husband: “Bloody English Language!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

A line written on a Husband’s T shirt :

ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..

.

.

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OF THEM..:-P

Than we met

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (31 votes, average: 3.97 out of 5)

My wife and I

were happy for 20 years.

Than we met.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Message of the year:-

Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!

Why? Very simple…

A woman does not have a wife..!!!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples

Never laugh at your wife’s choices…

(You are on of them…)

Never be Prouf of Your Choices…

(Your Wife is one of them…)

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband sent a text to his wife at night,

“Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes

and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”

He sent another text,

“And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary

at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”

Shetext back, “OMG really?”

Husband replied,

“No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message”.

Don’t copy if u can’t paste! :p

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

A famous inspirational speaker said:

“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife”

Audience was in shock and silence..

He added: “she was my mother”

A big round of applause & laughter!

A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home

After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:

“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife”

standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker

by the time he gained his senses,

he was on a hospital bed,

recovering from burns of boiling water!

Moral: don’t copy if u can’t paste!

Want to surprise your girlfriend?

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Want to surprise your girlfriend?

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Introduce her to your wife :p

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife (0n f0ne) suniye! Wind0w ka l0ck nai khul raha,

Husbnd: esa kr0 th0ra 0il grm kr k us pr dal d0,

Wife: Kya us sy kam h0 jaye ga?

Husbnd: Tum try t0 kr0,

After 15 mints,,

Husbnd calls wife,

Husband: tum ny try kia?

Wife: han kia pr ab lapt0p he band h0 gia hai,

Husbnd : lakh di lanat zaleel 0rat . .

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband wife watching an a Cricket match

together:”

After 5 minutes:”

Wife:” Is this Bret Lee ??

Husband:” No, this is Chris Gayle,

Bret Lee is a bowler.. Wife:” Okay, oh look, another

wicket..

Husband:” No, this is just a replay

of the last one..

Wife:” Hmm, looks like India is going to win this

one.. Husband:” It’s Austraila V/s west Indies

Wife:” How many runs they need

to win now ??

Husband:” 72 runs in 36 balls..

Wife:” Ehnn! That’s easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball..

Husband:” *Turns off the TV* Wife:” Turns it on again and starts watching

“Daily serial”

Husband:” Who is she ??

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. .

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.

. Wife:” dont disturb me…!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Ladies, if a Man says he’ll do something, he’ll do it..No need to remind him every six months about it…

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Every HUSBAND has got:

EGO

ATTITUDE

STYLE

INTELLEGENCY

LOVE

POWER

MONEY

GOODWILL

REPUTATION…

above all is under guidance

of WIFE….

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Mutmaeen Kon Hy is Dunya Me?? Mery Siwa,,,

“Ghalib”

Har Gham Hay Mery Paas

Eik Begum K Siwwa….!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Aurton k Ek Group se poocha gaya k kon kon apne SHOHRON se PYAR karti hain?

Sab Ne Hath khare kardiye…

in sab ko ek ek msg dia giya k apne apne SHOHRON ko send karen…

“” I LOVE YOU ”

To in k shohron k jawab kuch you’n aaye…

1: Tumhri tabiyat theek hai na? 😀

2: Ab kia ho gaya ? phir se Car maar di. :O

3: Excuse me %-)

4: Sirf itna batao k kitne paise chahiye…?? :O

5: Nasha to nahi karlia??;)

6: Ab kia kardia tumne? main is baar maaf nahi karoon ga…:D:D

Aur Sab Se acha jawab ye tha….

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.

7: kon hain aap??

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

What is

wife……………….. ?

.

.

Fauji :

Sare Dushman Hum Se Darte Hai

Aur

Hum Bivi Se.

.

.

Mochi :

Main Juton Ki Marammat Krta

Hoon

Aur Bivi Meri .

.

.

Teacher : Mai School Mein

Lecture Deta Hoon

Aur Ghar Mein B.v Se

Sunta Hn .

.

. Officer :

Mai Office Mein Boss

Hoon Aur Ghr

Mein Nokar .

.

. Judge :

Main Court May Faisle

Sunata Hoon

Aur Ghar Mein Khud

Insaaf Ki

Bheekh Mangta hu..

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband to wife :- Today is a fine day.

Next day he says :- Today is a fine day.

Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day.

Finally after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband :-

Since last one week, you are saying this’Today is a fine day’. I am fed up. What’s the matter?

Husband :- Last week when we had an argument, you said,”I will leave you one fine day.”I was just trying to remind you

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

The shortest Argument between Husband and Wife,

Wife: i Hate U

Husband: kya Husn-e-Itafaq hai :p

Badsoorat Wife:

Apne Husbnd Se

Khirki K Parde Lagwa Do,

Naya Parosi Muje Dekhne Ki Koshish Krta Hy

Husband:

1 Bar Dekh Lene Do,

Phr

Wo Khud Parde Lagwa Lega.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

A husband once complained

Dear Google,

Please stop behaving like my wife…

Will you please allow me to complete

the whole sentence before you start…?

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife- If I Dismiss The Cook

‘n Make Food Myself For A Month,

What Will You Pay Me..?

Husband- I Won’t Have To Pay You,

You’ll Get My Entire Insurance Amount.. !:)

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Ek admi ka hont jala hua tha.

Kisi ne pocha kese jala?

Admi bola:

wife maikay ja rahi thi.usko

chorrne station gaya tha khushi

main train ka Engine choom liye

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Ek admi ka hont jala hua tha.

Kisi ne pocha kese jala?

Admi bola:

wife maikay ja rahi thi.usko

chorrne station gaya tha khushi

main train ka Engine choom liye

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

A Small Tip For Lifetime:

“Try To Present Yourself That

You Are HAPPY,

Slowly It Becomes

Your Habit

&

Finally It Becomes

Your Character.”

🙂

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

One million copies of a new book sold

In just 2 days due to typing error of 1 alphabet in title.

“An idea,that can change your WIFE”

While real word was(LIFE).

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

1 bv kali thee aur shohr gora tha.

Sohar 1 din bola k hm 2ono jnti hain.

Bv boli woh kesay.

Sohahr bola .

Ma tumhain dakh kr sbr krta hoon.aur tum mujay dakh k shukar karti ho.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream

That u were sending me

Jewelery and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw

your dad paying the bill !!!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife: main driver ko nokri se nikaal rahi hun kyun k aj main doosri bar marte marte bachi hun.

Husbnd: Begum isy ek aur moka do. 🙂

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife:

Mene suna hai ke Jannat me Mardon ko Hooren milen gi.

To aurton ko kya milay ga?

Husband:

Kuch nahi, Allah sirf mazloom ki sunta hai.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying…

&

the other ensures U Continue to do so.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband:u will never succeed

in making that dog obey u!

Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,

I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream

That u were sending me

Jewelery and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw

your dad paying the bill !!!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife:”Meray iraday baray naik hain,

Aap 100 main

say aik hain!”

Husband: “dimagh k hum b DON hain,

pehle ye bata baqi k 99 kon hain…?

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband: dear tumhari gardan par ajeeb 

si cheez hay jise dekh kar khauf aata hay.

Wife:Wo kiya?

Husband:

Tumhara ‘moun’… 

Husband and Wife SMS

Sender:Sulman Khan 

Date:16-04-2012

Husband biwi se Phone par:

“Kiya pakaya hai aj khanay mein?”

Biwi (ghussay se):

“Zeher”

Husband:

kha kar so jana, mein dair se aonga.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of website while downloading anything . U understand nothing , still u say – ” I agree . !

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

WIFE: What would you do if i died?

Would you get married again?

Husband: No…

Wife- Why not?

Don’t you like being married?

Husband: Of course i do.

Wife: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

Husband: Ok, ok, i’d get married again…

Wife: Would you live in our house with your new Wife…?

Husband: Yes, it’s a great house.

Wife: Would you let her drive my car ?

Husband: Yes, its almost new, dear .

Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?

Husband: No.. I am sure she would want her own..

Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?

Husband: No, her size is ’5′

Wife: –silence-

Husband: ‘shiiit’…!!!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Hmari Light To Ab Is Tarha Se Aati He

“….”

Jese Shadi K Bad Beti MAA K Ghar Aati He.

(-,-) Acha AMMI

<( / chalti hon

1 ghantay k liye aayi thi,

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Asian man will have a wife and a girlfriend

and will love his wife more.

A black man will have 2 wives and 5 girlfriends

and will love his 1st wife more.

A white man will have 1 wife and 3 girlfriends

and will love his girlfriends more.

An pakistani man will have 1 wife and 

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

When a married man says:

“I’ll think about it” ,

What he really means that,

He doesn’t know his wife’s opinion yet… =p =d

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

1 Aadmi ne 100 Times Blood Donate kerny ka Record Qaim Kia,

Blood Bank Intizamia ne uski Wife ko bhi Prize diya.

Us aadmi Ki Wife ne Hyran ho k poocha,

Mujhay Prize Q?

Blood Bank Intizamia ne Muskura k kaha Madam

“Ap ne nahi piya

tabhi to Hum ne liya”

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband: Mere relatives ghar aa rahe hain, kuch bana Lo

.

BV ne mouh bana liya

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Touching words by a father-

Dear Son,

if U think ur Dad, Mom, Teacher, Boss are strict and harass u,..

Wait for a….WIFE.

Then,

U would love them All. 

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife cal her hsbnd

The window is jammed. Wat should I do?

Husband: Pour some warm water on it, but make sure it’s not too hot or it will crack

“OK” she replied, sounding a bit unsure.

He cal back 10 min later:

“Did u do the trick?”

“yes! but” she said tearfully,

“The LAPTOP isn’t working at all now!:P

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Laughs at ur own mistake make ur life long.

(shakspear).

Laughs at ur wife’s mistake make ur life short.

(Mrs Shakspear) 

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife: U had lunch?

Husbnd : U had lunch?

Wife : Im asking u.

Husbnd : Im asking u.

Wife: U copying me?

Husbnd: U copying me?

Wife: Lets go shopping

Husbnd: I had lunch. 😀

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

A successful marriage is based

On give & take:

Where husband gives money,

Gifts, dresses n wife takes it

&

Where wife gives advices, lectures,

Tensions & husband takes it..!!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

husband

phone pe kya pakaya hai aj

wife

zeher

husband

kha k so jao me aaj late aon ga.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife:kal raat tum neend main mujhe gaaliya de rahe the. Husband:Tumhe galat fehmi hui hai. Wife: kaisi galat fehmi? Husband: Yehi k main soya hua tha

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife :- Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels, Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok. On the way home.. Husband :- wat did the doc say ? Wife :- .No chance for u to survive

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

”An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Can’t Afford Another Women” 😛

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone: “Where d Hell Are You … ?” Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewelery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn’t Have Money That Time n I said “Baby It’ll Be Yours 1 Day … ” O:) Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love ! Husband: I m In The Pub Just Next To That Shop

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband : Ab tum hi is ghr ko jannat bana sakti ho …

.

.

Wife ( khush hotay huey )

Wo kaise ??

Husband :

Maayke ja k.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

In Newyork, a man was watching a movie at home and suddenly bawl out nooooooooooooo!! :’( Don’t go inside the church its a trap!!

Wife: what are u watching?

Man: our wedding dvd :s=))

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband to wife: agr meri lotery nikly to tm kya kro gi?

Wife: me aadi raqam le kr bhag jaoun gi,

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Husband:100 ki nikli hai ye lo 50 or dfa ho jao

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Larki ki diary ka 1 page:

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.

Ishq aik phool hai jis ka beej dard aur iski zameen almiyaa hai.. Jab tak is sar-zameen par na-kaami ki barish na ho, na beej phoot’ta hai, na zameen baar-aawar ho kar fassal deti hai.. Ishq ki mairaaj khud-faramoshi hi se haasil ho sakti hai…

.

.

10 SAAL BAAD:

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.

.

.

Diary ka 1 aur page:

.

.

Gobhi 1 kilo,

Tematar adha kilo,

Dhobi ka bill,

Bachchon ki fees,

Sink ki jaali,

Mortein (cockroach wala),

Aalia k pamper,

Qarshi IspaghoL,

Panadol (2 packet),

Saas ko call,

Nasreen khala ko birthday wish,

2 burger (anday wale),

Blue band,

20 rupe ka easy load.

(Haaye re shadi) ;->

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Want to surprise your girlfriend?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Introduce her to your wife. 😛

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Puraani Kahawat He k

Sotay Waqt Koi Tention Le kar Nahi Sona Chahiye…

Lakin Hairat he…

Phir Bhi Log

BV Ko Saath Le ker Sote Hain..;:-)

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Dedicated To Mashriqi Wife:

Husband:

aj khane me kia bnao’gi?

Wife:

wohi jo ap khaen

H:

dal chawal bna lo

W:

abi kal hi to khaye they

H:

to sabzi roti bna lo

W:

bache nhi khayen’ge

H:

to cholay puri bana lo

W:

mujhe heavy lagta hy

H:

anday aaloo bana lo

W:

phr subha nashte me kia khao’ge?

H:

parathay

W:

raat ko parathay kon khata hy?

H:

hotel se mangwa letay hain.

W:

roz roz hotel ka nhi khana chahye

H:

Kari chawal

W:

dahi nhi hy

H:

mattar

qeema?

W:

usme time lage’ga

pehle bolty aap

H:

maggi bana lo, usme time nhi lage’ga

W:

us say pait nhi bharta

H:

phir ab kia bnao’gi?

W:

“AAP BTAIN NA”

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

*BV Ki Dua*

Ya ALLAH Mere Shohr Ko Taraki De, DouLt Bangla De,

Mujhe Kuch Nhi Chahiye, Tu Sb Mere Shohr Ko De,

Baki…

Uss Se Lena Mera Kaam Hy.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

A famous inspirational speaker said:

“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife”

Audience was in shock and silence..

He added: “She was my mother”

A big round of applause & laughter!

A very daring Husbnd tried to crack this at home

After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:

“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn’t my wife” Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker

By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!

Moral: Don’t Copy if u can’t Paste!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Man Asks Wife- What Would You

Do If I Won The Lottery ?

Wife Says- I’d Take Half n Leave

You

Husband- Perfect ! I’ve Won

$10 , Here’s $5

Now Get Lost … =P =D

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Marriage Tip:

If Wife Wants To Get

Husband’s Attention,

Just Look

Sad & Uncomfortable.

If Husband Wants To Get

Wife’s Attention,

Just Look

Comfortable & Happy … =P 😉

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife: You delivered an excellent speech.

Hubby: Thanks dear but the audience was full of fools and idiots.

Wife: Is that why you addressed them as your brothers and sisters?

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

A true husband is one who lays down the laws for his wife…and then accepts all her amendments!

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Husband: tum aesi roti nahi bana sakhti jesi meri ammi pakati thi.

Wife: paka sakti hun agar tum be aeisa aata goondo jesa tumhare abbu goonda krty thy.

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Doc: “After looking at these test results, I recommend your husband should have an operation immediately!”

Wife: “But Doc, this will seriously affect his hobby”

Doc astonished: “What in the world is the hobby?”

Wife: “Saving Money!” 

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife: Suno ji, Is Haftey Hum Roz Cinema Dekhne Jaayenge.

Uske Agle Hafte hum Roz Shopping K Liye Jaayenge.

Husband: Aur Uske Agle Haftey Roz Mandir Jaayenge.

Wife: Kyo?

Husband- Bheek Mangenge. 🙂

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Every Wife is a ‘Mistress’ of her husband . . .

.

‘MISS’ for one hour and ‘STRESS’ for 23 hours everyday . . . !:-D

 <<<<——–========================================——>>>>

Wife: “Main bazar ja rahi hoon, mujhe 50 Rupay ki zaroorrat hai!”

Husband (ghusay se): “Tumhen Rupay se ziada aqal ki zaroorat hai!”

Wife: “Aapse wohi cheez mangi hai, jo aap k pass mojood hai!”

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