Funny Jokes: Our list of the funniest jokes

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Hilarious traffic light joke

Funny Jokes: Our list of the funniest jokes

Last Updated: March 27, 2021

Our hand-picked list of the funniest jokes that we could find, ranked based on how funny they are to you. These short and clever jokes are have been selected for the soul purpose of making people laugh, make sure you tell these jokes to your friends and family to get them giggling too.

Jokes are voted by you!

Every week we update this list to prioritise the funniest jokes, help us improve the page by voting on how funny you find the jokes. Press the thumb up icon to let us know you found the joke funny and the thumb down icon to let us know perhaps the joke isn’t as good as we thought!

Top 10 Funniest Jokes

The jokes below are the top 10 voted by you as the most hilarious jokes we have.

  1. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.

    Hilarious traffic light joke
  2. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

    Funny joke about an old lady
  3. My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.

    Funny joke about work
  4. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  5. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
  6. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
  7. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
  8. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

    Funny joke about putting your foot down
  9. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
  10. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.

Newly Added Jokes

Each week we will add new jokes below, these have either been submitted to us or we have found them funny enough to share with you. Vote on the jokes if you think they are funny, if a joke gets enough votes we’ll add them to the page.

  • Why was the picture sent to jail? It was framed.
  • My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes. It Taurus apart.
  • Two antennas got married.. the ceremony was ok, but the reception was excellent.

Jokes to be Removed

The jokes below have been continuously downvoted over the past weeks. If you think they are still funny and should be kept on our list, give them a thumb up. If you think they should be removed vote them down. If the below jokes are still disliked by your votes, we’ll remove them from this list.

  • When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.
  • You ever heard of silent tennis?

    It’s essentially tennis but without the racket.

More Funny Jokes

Continuing on below is the rest of our list of the funniest jokes, these jokes didn’t make the top 10 but we still found them very funny.

  • I think i would like a job cleaning mirrors, it’s just something I could really see myself doing.
  • Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  • Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet? They got stuck at C.
  • How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
  • I don’t want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
  • Why is there a fence around a cemetery? People are dying to get in.
  • What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  • How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
  • Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  • Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way.
  • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
  • I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.
  • What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk? Ketchup.
  • How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.

    Funny joke about an octopus
  • I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
  • When will the little snake arrive? I don’t know but he won’t be long…
  • My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
  • And the lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life”. John came fifth and won a toaster.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? They woke him up.
  • Just remember – you never really completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
  • Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
  • What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

    Funny joke about hats
  • Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
  • A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
  • I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him go faster, if anything it made him more sluggish.
  • Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says “Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease? It makes cows go completely insane!”. The other cow replies “Good thing I’m a helicopter”.
  • Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  • Did you hear about the baguette at the zoo? It was bread in captivity.
  • What has three letters and starts with gas. A Car.
  • When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?
  • My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “No it doesn’t”
  • I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  • What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  • How do you get an astronaut’s baby to sleep? You rocket!
  • Somebody stole my microsoft office and they’re going to pay – you have my Word.
  • My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
  • What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing! They fast!
  • I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!
  • I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
  • Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs.
  • What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  • A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says “They’re right behind you!”
  • As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

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Submit your funny jokes to us

If you know of a funny joke which you think deserves to be on our list then don’t hestitate to send it to us via our submission page. If we think the joke is good we’ll add it to this page!

More Jokes & Puns

Looking for more humorous content? Check our list of the funniest puns, page of the best pick up lines or try reading our page of funny dad jokes

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74 shares, 55 points