Christmas Jokes – Funny Images and Stories

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Christmas Jokes

Christmas Jokes – Funny Images and Stories

This page is a mini sitemap for Will and Guy’ Christmas Jokes and Humour.  Enjoy our jokes, riddles, videos and funny Christmas pictures for the festive season.

Christmas Humour – Topics

Christmas Jokes

Funny Christmas Pictures

  • Advent Calendar
  • Christmas Cartoons
  • Christmas Pictures
  • Christmas Snow
  • Christmas Trees!
  • Cats at Christmas
  • Dogs at Christmas
  • ‘Feel Good’ Christmas Pics
  • Father Christmas Pictures
  • Santa Claus Pictures
  • Santa Cartoons – Sleighs
  • Polar Bear Skating
  • Polar Bear Christmas
  • Rudolph’s Red Nose
  • Reindeer – New Slant
  • Snowmen
  • Snow Sculpture Santa
  • Stuff for Christmas
  • Trivia and Facts
  • Turkey for Christmas

Funny Christmas Jokes

Funny Christmas Images

  • Bumper Funny Christmas Jokes
  • More Jokes for Christmas
  • Riddles, and ‘Funnies’ for Christmas
  • Funny Merry Christmas
  • Best Funny Christmas Jokes
  • Santa Banta Jokes
  • Snowman Jokes
  • Waiter, There’s a Fly in My Champagne

‘Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a Christmas bell.’
‘Take these pills and if they don’t work, give me a ring.’

  • Hazard Warning for Christmas
  • Quotes for Christmas
  • Humorous Xmas Cards
  • Boxing Day Jokes

Funny Christmas Videos and PowerPoint Presentations

Christmas tree lights - outside

  • Christmas Tree Pictures
  • Lights – Classic Outside
  • Lights – Searchlight Video
  • Lights – Jazzy Outside
  • Christmas Tree Lights
  • Christmas Tree Sublime
  • Xmas Food
  • Snowball Video
  • Snow and Ice
  • Unusual Christmas Trees
  • Polar Bear Meets Huskies (PPT)
  • Right Present for Christmas
  • Xmas Animation

Funny Kids Christmas Jokes

  • More Funny Children’s Christmas Stories
  • Short Funny Stories for Christmas
  • Snow Shoveler’s Diary
  • Stories for Christmas
  • Story about Christmas – ‘No room at the inn’
  • Christmas Tree Lights Solar-powered
  • Kissing Under the Mistletoe
  • Christmas Humour
  • Santa Claus History
  • Christmas 2010 – Saturday
  • Christmas Poems
  • Quiz for Christmas

Religious Christmas

  • Angels for Christmas
  • Funny Christmas Religious Jokes
  • Naming Jesus
  • Christmas Carols
  • Traditional Carols at Christmas
  • The True Religious Story of Christmas
  • Christmas Carols (12 days)
  • New Year Humour

Stages of Christmas

When you consider Christmas, there are four stages in your life:-

1)  You believe in Santa

Christmas cat 2)  You don’t believe in Santa
3)  You are Santa
4)  You look like Santa

Christmas Warnings

23 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. 39 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and an Honest Lawyer

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

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Another Funny Christmas Picture – Santa Claus Sledge Needs a Tow

Funny Christmas Snow Scenes

Santa Claus’ sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, ‘Can you help me fix my sledge, please?’

‘Sorry,’ the motorist replied, ‘I’m not a mechanic – I’m a podiatrist.’ ‘In that case,’ retorted Santa, ‘Can you give me a tow?’……….[toe]

Xmas Humour – Cracker Riddle

What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you. Q. What’s Christmas called in England?
A. Yule Britannia! (English Christmas Humour!)

School Nativity – Urban Myth

The boy who was playing the Inn Keeper was fed up of his insignificant role, so when Joseph knocked and asked if there was any room in the inn.  Instead of saying ‘No’ as he was supposed to, the young prima donna said, ‘Come in Joseph and Mary, there is plenty of room in my inn.’

How They Forecast a Cold Winter

One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was asked by his tribal elders if the winter of 2010/11 was going to be cold
or mild.  The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost touch with the reading signs from the natural world around the Great
Lakes. In truth, neither of them had idea about how to predict the coming winter.  However, the chief decided to take a modern approach, and
the chief rang the National Weather Service in Gaylord Michigan. How Indian Chief Forecast a Cold Winter ‘Yes, it is going to be a cold winter,’ the meteorological officer told the chief.  Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told
the men to collect plenty of firewood. A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for an update. ‘Are you still forecasting a cold winter?’ he asked. ‘Yes, very cold’, the weather officer told him. As a result of this brief conversation the chief went back to the tribe and told his people to collect every bit of wood they could find. A month later the chief called the National Weather Service once more and asked about the coming winter. ‘Yes,’ he was told, ‘it is going to
be one of the coldest winters ever.’ ‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked. The weatherman replied: ‘Because the Native Americans of the Great Lakes are collecting wood like crazy.’

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Bambi Meets Snowman

Funny Christmas Snowman

Don’t Try This at Home!

Pastor Tony is walking down the street on Christmas eve when he notices a Larry, a small boy, trying to press the doorbell of a
house across the street.  However, Larry is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s
efforts for some time, Pastor Tony moves closer to Larry’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow
and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to Larry’s level, Pastor Tony smiles benevolently and asks, ‘And now what, my little man?’ To which Larry replies with a beaming grin, ‘Now we run!’

Christmas Videos

Christmas tree lights - outside

Bygone Christmases – 1940

Christmas 1940 – A Christmas Under German Blitz Following the phoney war of 1939, Britain suffered directly and indirectly from German bombing. Most seriously over 24,000 innocent civilians had been killed in the Blitz not only in London but also in Coventry, Manchester and Liverpool. Christmas trees were not a high priority for townspeople because they spent so much time in their air-raid shelters, which were too cramped for a modern sized Christmas tree. Effects of Rationing For a typical war time Christmas we would consider the typical Christmas fayre a joke, except it was not funny in 1940 due to rationing.  For example a family’s meat ration would not cover a small chicken.  Country people had it better, provided they planned ahead and reared their own chicken, or failing that a rabbit or two.  One reason that those who survived the war were so healthy was thank to ‘dig for victory’ whereby people planted every available space with healthy vegetables. The government also gave extra sugar rations for the Women’s Institutes to convert autumn fruits into jams and other preserves.  As for all
those goodies that Britain now imports from Europe, French cheese, Spanish wine – forget it – the German U-Boat blockade in 1940 meant no luxuries.

How to Say “Merry Christmas” in 75 Other Languages

Language Merry Christmas
Afrikaans Gesëende Kersfees
Albanian Gezur Krislinjden
Arabic Idah Saidan Wa
Sanah Jadidah
Argentine Feliz Navidad
Armenian Shenoraavor Nor
Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Basque Zorionak eta Urte
Berri On!
Bengali Shuvo Naba Barsha
Bohemian Vesele Vanoce
Brazilian Boas Festas e
Feliz Ano Novo
Breton Nedeleg laouen na
bloavezh mat
Bulgarian Tchestita Koleda;
Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo
Catalan Bon Nadal i un
Bon Any Nou!
Chile Feliz Navidad
Chinese (Cantonese) Gun
Tso Sun Tan’Gung Haw Sun
Chinese (Mandarin) Kung
His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan
Cornish Nadelik looan na
looan blethen noweth
Corsian Pace e salute
Croatian Sretan Bozic
Czech Prejeme Vam
Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish Glædelig Jul
Dutch Vrolijk
Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!
English Merry Christmas
Eskimo (inupik) Jutdlime
pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo!
Esperanto Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian Ruumsaid
Finnish Hyvaa joulua
Flemish Zalig Kerstfeest
en Gelukkig nieuw jaar
French Joyeux Noel
Frisian Noflike
Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier!
Gaelic Nollaig chridheil
agus Bliadhna mhath ùr!
German Froehliche
Greek Kala
Hawaiian Mele Kalikimaka
Hebrew Mo’adim Lesimkha.
Chena tova
Hindi Shub Naya Baras
Hawaiian Mele Kalikimaka
ame Hauoli Makahiki Hou!
Hungarian Kellemes
Karacsonyi unnepeket
Icelandic Gledileg Jol
Indonesian Selamat Hari
Iraqi Idah Saidan Wa
Sanah Jadidah
Irish Nollaig Shona
Dhuit, or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat
Italian Buone Feste
Japanese Shinnen omedeto.
Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latin Natale hilare et
Annum Faustum!
Latvian Prieci’gus
Ziemsve’tkus un Laimi’gu Jauno Gadu!
Lithuanian Linksmu Kaledu
Maltese LL Milied
Manx Nollick ghennal
as blein vie noa
Maori Meri Kirihimete
Norwegian God Jul, or
Gledelig Jul
Papua New Guinea Bikpela hamamas
blong dispela Krismas na Nupela yia i go long yu
Peru Feliz Navidad y un Venturoso
Philippines Maligayan Pasko!
Polish Wesolych Swiat
Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie
Portuguese Feliz Natal
Romanian Sarbatori
fericite & La multi ani
Russian S RazhdеstvOm!
(New Year S Novim Godom!)
Samoan La Maunia Le
Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Serbian Hristos se rodi
Slovakian Sretan Bozic or
Vesele vianoce
Samoan La Maunia Le
Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Scots Gaelic Nollaig chridheil
Serbian Hristos se rodi.
Slovak Vesele Vianoce. A
stastlivy Novy Rok
Spanish Feliz Navidad
Swedish God Jul and (Och)
Ett Gott Nytt Ã…r
Thai Sawadee Pee Mai
Tongan Mele Kalisimasi
Turkish Noeliniz Ve Yeni
Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian Христос Родився (Hrustos Roduvsya)
Urdu Naya Saal Mubarak
Vietnamese Chung Mung Giang
Welsh Nadolig Llawen
Yugoslavian Cestitamo Bozic
Will and Guy Funny Merry Christmas
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Footnote: Please write to Will and Guy if you have any good examples of  Christmas Humour.

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73 shares, 54 points